


Within My Heart

by xXdark_passengerXx



Series: i wanna watch the stars with you [1]
Category: Durarara!!
Genre: M/M, Shizaya - Freeform, Suppressed Feelings, but izayas voice actor wrote the song so whatever, izaya sings, just for fun, kinda OOC, shizuo overhears
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-17
Updated: 2020-10-17
Packaged: 2021-03-09 03:08:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,703
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27067645
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xXdark_passengerXx/pseuds/xXdark_passengerXx
Summary: ❝every little beat within my heart, it's still beating for us;every little piece of my heart, it's still longing for us❞--Shizuo goes to Izaya's apartment to beat him up, since he hasn't been showing up in Ikeburuko for a while. Standing in front of the flea's door, he hears something akin to singing and a guitar. Peeking in, he sees Izaya singing about his love for Shizu-chan.(*Based on that one love song Izaya's voice actor wrote& sang for shizu chan)
Relationships: Heiwajima Shizuo/Orihara Izaya
Series: i wanna watch the stars with you [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1975537
Comments: 3
Kudos: 33





	Within My Heart

  
"Stupid freakin' flea'," Shizuo mumbled as he walked up the stairs of the building. Just the thought of Izaya made his fists clench in his pockets. He snarled just thinking about his face.

He'd banged on the door of the building until someone let him. Izaya hadn't been to Ikeburuko for a week, which meant he was planning something. He was always scheming, and Shizuo wasn't going to let him get away with it.

He marched up the stairs with angry steps, everyone passing him with fearful eyes. He didn't pay them much mind. If anything, it only made him angrier. He reached the top of the staircase and opened the door to the hallway with a powerful swing. He was pretty sure part of the door's hinges broke but whatever.

He looked at the door he'd been to a million times and took his hands out of his pockets. He opened his mouth, hand in the air to punch down the door, but then he heard a faint sound from the other side. Confused, he lowered his hand and put his ear to the door, listening in to whatever it was he heard.

It sounded like a guitar; slow and hesitant strings being pulled, but it was still loud enough for Shizuo to hear. He was going to just ignore it and kick open the door, but something else made him stop. A familiar yet unfamiliar voice was in the air; it was Izaya's, but the voice was as hesitant as the strumming of the guitar.

He normally wouldn't have stopped. He wouldn't have continued to listen, but it was weird to hear Izaya so unsure. Shizuo wondered why; why he was hesitant, why he was playing a guitar, why he was... singing.

Shizuo stood in front of the door, restraining himself from breaking it down. It would be smart to figure out Izaya's secret, something to use as blackmail. That was why he stood in place. It wasn't because he was surprised and wanted to hear more of the other's voice. That was ridiculous.

_"Shizu-chan."_

Shizuo's eyes widened and he slapped a hand over his mouth to keep him from screaming. What kind of joke was the flea trying to pull here? Shizuo didn't think it was very funny. He should just kick the door down before Izaya only insulted him. As weird as it was to hear Izaya sing, Shizuo was sure he would only make fun of the blond. Some things just never changed, and this was one of those things.

_"I have feelings for you."_

Shizuo's hand dropped back to his side. For some reason, he couldn't get his body to move, and after the line Izaya just sang, Shizuo really couldn't do anything other than just stand there. Izaya only had the feelings of hatred and annoyance towards him, nothing else. Shizuo knew that if he continued to listen to Izaya, he would only be bashed. Yet, he still stood in place, making no move to get to the other side, despite the clear insults Izaya was sending his way.

" _Shizu-chan,"_ Izaya continued. As much as Shizuo hated Izaya's patronizing face, Shizuo didn't like not being able to see the entire situation. With a hand on the knob, he quietly tried to turn it, hoping it would open. Luckily, the universe was on his side; the door wasn't locked, opening smoothly. _"Would you please stop throwing vending machines?"_

Shizuo felt his eye twitch, but he didn't move. He didn't know why he wasn't getting as angry as he normally would've gotten. Because Izaya asked him not to, Shizuo would find several vending machines and throw them at Izaya all at once. Shizuo was supposed to be angry, so why wasn't he moving?

" _Please don't hit me with your stop sign."_

Shizuo peered into the room to see Izaya sitting on his couch, sort of facing away from the door as he strummed his guitar. His voice sounded less hesitant than it did at the beginning, and his face looked serene. The smile on his face was oddly unnerving. It wasn't anything Shizuo had seen before, but maybe it was the unfamiliarity putting Shizuo on edge. The smile itself seemed genuine, as if he were remembering a fond memory. Shizuo wished he knew what was going on in Izaya's head because the tone of his voice and the smile he had made Shizuo doubt how much of a joke this was.

" _Shizu-chan_ ," Izaya sang, and Shizuo felt himself snap out of the trance he had been in. He felt his anger come back at the nickname and his hand on the knob slightly tightened. He was getting ready to burst in when Izaya's voice got to him again. _"Shizu-chan."_

The second time he said the nickname differed from the first. Shizuo couldn't figure out what it was, but something in Izaya's voice made Shizuo calm down instead of provoking him. His anger died down. Maybe it was because the second time, Izaya's voice was a bit louder, more confident, yet softer. Maybe it was the way Izaya's smile grew. Maybe it was the familiar sound of affection in his voice.

_"I wanna watch the stars with you."_

Izaya's smile only got wider, happier, and Shizuo felt his heart skip a beat at the words he sang. He wanted to make his way to Izaya, but not to beat him to a pulp; he wanted to sit down and see his face clearly, listen to his words more attentively. He wanted Izaya to look at him as he sang.

" _I wanna see the world with you."_

At that moment, Shizuo imagined it. It was him, and he was with Izaya. A view popped up into his mind; a place he'd never gone to, a place he'd only ever seen on the internet. A beautiful landscape of an ocean. Stars in the sky and their light reflecting the waves. Izaya in front of him, smiling as he was now, looking up at him. His eyes bright and happy, completely unlike the manipulative glint he had that pissed Shizuo off. 

" _I wanna hold your hand... Shizu-chan."_

Shizuo did too. Shizuo felt his hand on the knob drop, and he widened the door the slightest bit. It creaked, but he didn't notice. His full attention was on Izaya, just like it always had been.

Something had changed, but Shizuo couldn't figure out what.

_"But not really."_

Shizuo furrowed his brows, his nails digging into his palms as he clenched his fists.

" _Not really."_

Shizuo just thought of things he'd never give the light of day. He dreamt of the impossible. He'd given the unknown a chance. He revealed something new about his feelings, and here Izaya was, denying it all. 

_"I don't like you like that."_  
  
It was all just a joke. Izaya played him; he didn't even have to try. He just existed and did his flea-like things and he still found a way to mess with Shizuo. As angry as Shizuo was though, he didn't run up to Izaya and throw him out the window. He was more angry at himself for even thinking of something so stupid. As if that could ever happen.

_"I'm just joking."_

Shizuo knew. He knew he was just joking. It didn't make the ache in his heart go away. He didn't think he could ever physically feel pain like this.

_"I wanna cut your skin with my knife."_

That line made Shizuo stop wallowing in his regret. Something really had changed. Izaya's voice was stiffer, more hesitant, and much quicker than the pace he had before.

" _Or_ _maybe_ _something more violent."_

Shizuo held back a small chuckle. He didn't know what was going on, but he opted to leave. Slowly, he backed up, shutting the door as lightly as hecould. Maybe Izaya realized what he was saying and snapped out of his thoughts. Maybe it was just a moment of expressing any suppressed feelings. Maybe he remembered he had to hate Shizuo.

Shizuo didn't know what was going on in Izaya's mind, and maybe he'd never know, but the sincerity in Izaya's voice gave him hope. Maybe he was being delusional, but he was beginning to see Izaya in a different light. It was strange how in just one hundred seconds, his world could be turned upside down.

_"Shizu-chan."_

Shizuo left after that, a smile on his face as he walked down the stairs with light feet. He'll just come back tomorrow and beat up the flea then.

—

_"I wanna see the world with you, I wanna hold your hand, Shizu-chan,"_ Izaya sang as he smiled to himself, letting his heart sing to its content. It was nice to remember what it felt like to be in love.

But then he heard his door creak, something he'd specifically designed just so he'd know if somebody ever tried to sneak in.

He felt his body stiffen and his back straighten and he forced to keep his eyes away from the door. He could just sense Shizuo by the door, it had to be him. From his peripheral vision, he could see the blond hair.

" _But not really,"_ he sang as his fingers worked faster on the guitar. He just had to trick the protozoan. How did he get himself into this mess?

Then the door creaked again, and when he dared to glance at the door, Shizuo was gone and his door was shut. He continued to play, but his smile was back on his face. Shizuo wouldn't think of this as something more than it was. Izaya doubted his simpleton mind could piece two and two together. He would just think of this as a prank.

Izaya felt his smile become sad as he stared down at the strings by his fingers. He wished it were nothing more than a prank. To feel something like this was damming, Izaya thought, but he didn't think he'd ever ask to have never felt this way. Loving Shizuo reminded him of what it was like to love beyond just his humans.

Shizuo didn't have to know about his feelings. He was happy just as he was.

**Author's Note:**

> so i somehow found this one video of izayas english voice actor singing a song to his beloved shizu chan. heres the video https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V4_mEQS6rmQ . after i found that, i just watched a bunch of videos of johnny yong bosch and crispin freeman and their support (or indulgence) of shizaya. like did you know both actors made a video of their character proposing to izaya/shizuo?? i dunno, i love that.
> 
> apparently, izayas voice actor is in a band! my mind is blown 
> 
> also, expect a part two and three :))


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